spam

i have to wonder sometimes if true spamming even works anymore. like there might have been a day, maybe back in like 1994, when someone received an email from mr. dr. ubugu from chad and thought, “wow, where would they have gotten my email address from? i should reply, the situation sounds bad!” but that day has got to be long gone.

right?

please tell me that no one falls for spam anymore. i have to believe that every spam is from some nitwit who suddenly got the idea that he could make a billion dollars, or euro, or whatever, on some clever spam idea, and who tries it once but ends up disillusioned and reverts to gambling for their ill-gotten gains. if a sucker is born every minute, i’d like to think those suckers are only the ones dumb enough to think spamming works. if each moron tried it once and moved on, that would certainly still account for the volume of spam i receive even with spamblocks installed.

and anyway, when was the last time spam even tried to meet my needs? take these subject header examples, fresh from today’s inbox:

1. don’t expose your intimate life!: now this isn’t so bad as spam goes; free advice! and from two different people, no less. but it comes too late: i’ve been blogging now for almost a year. darn. deleted.


2. xerox copiers wants you to win super bowl tix: that’s awfully nice of xerox. after all, what have i ever done for them? oh, that’s right: i boosted their brand-recognition all my life by asking for “xeroxes” of my documents when I meant, generically, photocopies. but i haven’t watched football since high school! why couldn’t they have offered me a lifetime supply of hot dogs or something? now that might get me a-clicking! as it stands, deleted.


3. what every man has been looking for: if this spammer seriously thinks that what every man has been looking for can actually be contained, somehow, in an email, then this spammer has no idea what a woman actually is. baleeted.


4. participate and get mp3 sunglasses!: ok, if they mean a pair of sunglasses that stores mp3s, then that has got to be the most stupid idea i’ve heard of in a long time. if they were english-grammar impaired and meant that i could get an mp3 of a song called, “sunglasses,” well while i’ve found tracy ullman to be humorous at times, i do not want to hear her sing sentimental songs of lost-love. has she really recorded albums? sheesh. deleted!


5. would you like a free escalade?: now i’m assuming they meant the car, the escalade. i suppose that could be pretty cool. but does it come with right-side steering wheel? ‘cause i’m moving to england soon and it’s crazy enough driving there as it is. plus, gas is expensive enough in america, but in england? forget it! close, but no dice. deleted.